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Weird Science & Fuzzy Math With Dr. Smartyboots!
More like the MISSING Link!

"Now get the hell out."

"Wow, Dick, that heart thingy makes you look twenty years younger!"

It's a rare occasion when I include work that is not my own on this site. However, this gentleman's opus met with my strict standards, i.e., it made me laugh my ass off, and the utilization of documented Bushisms is pure GENIUS. Thanks to Jeff at ILT Creative Services for his kind permission to post this.

The following is Copyright 2001 by ILT Creative Services. No knicking, kids.

Why am I s'damn stupid, anyways?

Boy George ponders a tough one.

Catch bush on TV last night?
A great performance. Here's the transcript:

Anne: Our contestants tonight are Karl Rove, Karen Hughes, Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld, Vice President Dick Cheney, and President (sic) George W. Bush. Mr. Bush, you seem to have brought along someone else. You know she's not allowed to give you any help, right?

Bush: Oh, that's just Katherine Harris. Her lips are pretty firmically attached to my buttocks, she can't say a word.

Anne: Very well. You know the rules, so let's play The Weakest Link. Our first question is to Dick. Dick--

Cheney: Bank.

Anne: Not only is there no money to bank yet, I haven't asked a single question.

Cheney: I just love that word. Bank.

Anne: I see. Here's your question: what is the distance between the earth and the sun, doubled?

Cheney: One hundred and eighty-six million miles.

Anne. Correct. Now Don, what is the dictionary definition of "militaristism?"

Rumsfeld: You're such a tease. Militaristism: noun-predominance of the military class or its ideals.

Anne: That's correct. Colin, how long is a micron?

Powell: That's one thousandth of a millimeter, Anne.

Anne: Correct.

Cheney: Bank.

Anne: It isn't your turn, Dick.

Dick: You know this bum ticker of mine. I may not make it until my next turn.

Anne: The next question is for you, George. Of which state is your brother the Governor? George? George?

Bush: Sorry, I thought Ari would answer for me.

Anne: Not here.

Bush: He's the governor of -- I shouldn't call him my little brother -- my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas.

Anne: That is incorrect. The answer is Florida.

Bush: Florida. The state of the Florida.

Anne: Where did you say you were from, George?

Bush: I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Anne: Indeed. Moving on. Karl, in kilometers, what is the total area of Andorra?

Rove: Four hundred and sixty-eight square kilometers.

Anne: That's correct. Karen, in what year was the United States Constitution adopted?

Hughes: That was --oh, we trashed that good -- that was 1789.

Anne: Correct. Now a question for George--

Bush: Didn't I just have one?

Anne: Who makes the rules here? This is my show. You aren't arguing with me, are you?

Bush: Is that the question?

Anne: No, the question is this. From where does the United States import the greatest number of consumer goods?

Bush: More and more of our imports come from overseas.

Anne: That is incorrect. Try this one. Describe the functions of the three branches of government.

Bush: The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law.

Anne: Also incorrect--

Cheney: Bank.

Anne: Shut up. George, what does the word "insurance" mean?

Bush: Insurance, that's a Washington term.

Anne; Pardon me? Washington?

Bush: That's Washington. That's the place where you find people getting ready to jump out of the foxholes before the first shot is fired.

Anne: Do you have any idea what you're talking about?

Bush: I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question.

Anne: But you know virtually nothing about government, your own nation's geography, your history--

Bush: I think we agree, the past is over.

Anne: I think we agree, this game is over, and there's no question that you, George, are the weakest link. Good-bye.

Cheney: Whew. Now maybe we can bank some dough. Cash. Loot. Luchre. Simoleons...

Narrator: Was Bush expecting to be the first one voted off? Let's find out...

Bush: They misunderestimated me.