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KISS ANY WINDSHIELDS LATELY?
APRIL 25 -- Well, folks, the Gang of Five has struck again. In a 5-4 decision (sound familiar?) handed down yesterday, the US Supremely Corrupt ruled that an officer of the law can, indeed, put you in handcuffs and stick you in the hoosegow for such terrible crimes as improper lane changes, failure to use your turn signal, and neglecting to wear your seatbelt (not that you should do any of these things). Seven states already have this law on their books, and can you guess what one of 'em is?
That's right, chilluns, the state of Texas, former cave of the commander-in-thief!
Coincidence? I think not!
On this current decision, Injustices Souter and O'Connor changed places, but the rest of the names are the same.
Under this new ruling, the cops can throw you in the ol' calabozo for moving violations for which the fine is as little as $50. The case in question goes back to 1997, in the state of . . .TEXAS! A highway patrolman cuffed-n-stuffed a woman for not wearing a seatbelt while her distressed four-year-old looked on. Needless to say, she felt the punishment didn't quite fit the crime.
And how, you ask, or would ask if you could get a word in edgewise, which you cant, so I'll ask it for you as well as answer, do our friends on the other wing, the ones who rant and rave and foam at the mouth about the federal government intruding into every facet of our lives, feel about this news?
They love it.
That's right, kids. The Rightists just adore the s**t out of this new law, although last month they were shrieking that the Guhmint had no damn right to tell them what they can or can't do in their cars. But it came from the same bastards who selected their Fearless Leader, and Rush told them it's good, so they gotta go along with it. How do they do that? By spinning it. Have they spun it? You bet your ass they have.
And -- drumroll, please --here's their spin: when an unemployed, welfare-sucking, baby-killing liberal Communist who has no health insurance causes an accident while looking to buy some crack simultaneously demonstrates his/her utter contempt for the law and all that is decent, just like Clinton (gotta throw in a Clinton-bash), by not wearing a seatbelt, who has to pay for the ambulance, the surgery, the meds, the physical therapy? Why, John Q. Upstanding Conservative Tax Overpayer, that's who! So the law keeps the Left from getting more government handouts, therefore further justifying the Shrub's tax break for the oppressed wealthy.
Twisted, huh? I wonder if they've gotten their jackboots out of the closet yet . . . .
Having broken two windshields with my head in the past, I know the benefits of wearing a seatbelt. I never go without it anymore, and neither does anyone who wants to ride with me. I think it should be a matter of choice, however. I've made mine. You make yours.
That's TRUE personal responsibility.
But, to all you liberals: please wear your seatbelts so you can be around to help us send these jokers back into their Y2K shelters (or are they Y3K shelters now?) in 2002 and 2004.
And you conservatives? Hey, you think the Guhmint's intruding? Go ahead and don't wear your seatbelts. You do a Superman imitation through the windshield someday in the middle of a road-rage, it's no sweat off my balls. Just make sure your health insurance is current, because I don't want my tax-dollars going toward your rehabilitation. A QUICK REVIEW OF THE LAST TWO WEEKS
MAY 10 -- Since I was chin-deep in the quagmire of final exams and papers after the last update, I didn't have time to post any lengthy rants. I did, however, scribble down some notes whenever I was able to drag myself out of the utterly insane world of graduate school and Spanish literature. Off we go.....
Cien días de estupidez/100 days of stupidity (With apologies to Sr. García Márquez)
So, the first 100 days of the Shrub Administration are over, and I don't know about you, but to me it feels like it's been a f**king lifetime. Boy George says he thinks he's done "pretty good, but there's still work to do." Hmmm...nearly started war with China...pissed off Russia....pissed off England...pissed off Canada...pissed off liberals, centrists and moderates...pissed off gays...pissed off women...Yeah, there's still work to do, Duhbya -- you've only pissed off 1/3 of the world's population. Now turn off that Nintendo and get back to work, you slacker.
The Proverbial Finger
We all know about Boy George giving California the proverbial finger regarding the power crunch out there, and how his minions say it's the fault of Democratic Governor Gray Davis, which is interesting, since it was Republican Gov. Pete Wilson who deregulated everything he could get his grubby little paws on. The Reich Wingers say that California will have to figure this out all by their lonesome, or get the hell out of the country if they're just going to whine. Evidently, Bushboy has scuttled any desire to get more than six votes out there in 2004.
Also getting the proverbial finger is the flood-ravaged state of Iowa. The new director of FEMA went out there, scratched his head, tried to look sad, and then told the citizens of Davenport that it was their own fault for not having relocated after the last flood.
Both California and Iowa voted for Gore in 2000.
Coincidence?
I think not!
The Reich Wing seems to be under the impression that the Federal Government exists simply for the sake of existing, that it has no duties to its people. If this is true, why not simply dissolve it and let the states become republics? Because then the Li'l Buckaroo wouldn't have anything to be [P]resident of, natch!
Quite frankly.....
Rep. Marge Roukema (R-NJ) appeared on MSNBC's "Hardball" last week to champion her current cause: getting the wildly successful HBO series "The Sopranos" canceled. Roukema, an Italian-American, said that the program denigrates Italian-Americans and does not promote that all- time champeen Republican intangible, FAMILY VALUES. However, when backed into a corner, Roukema was forced to make a complete imbecile of herself on live national TV by admitting that SHE HAD NEVER WATCHED THE DAMN SHOW. When asked how she could be against a program she'd never seen, Roukema spluttered, "Well, I--I've heard enough about it- I've heard enough about it, and I know enough about it that, quite frankly, I--I'm boycotting it, quite frankly." Well, Marge, we've heard enough from you and know enough about you that, quite frankly, it's obvious that you don't have the slightest f**king idea what you're talking about, quite frankly.
Republican Party Getting Medieval on Its Own Ass, Part II!
Senator Trent Lott (R-MS) fired 35-year Republican Senate Parliamentarian Robert Dove, 62, on Tuesday. Dove kept pointing out and citing those annoying things that keep hindering the Reich Wing from ramrodding their agenda through Congress and down our throats. What do they call those things again? Oh yeah! LAWS. DODGING THE NEEDLE
MAY 11 -- Militia members across the nation raised their cans of Pabst and Old Milwaukee in a salute to Attorney General John AshKKKroft today upon hearing the news that the execution of staunch Republican (Ted Bundy was one, too) and National Rifle Association poster-boy Timothy McVeigh has been postponed until June 11 at the earliest.
AshKKKroft said today that, as a result of the incompetence of the previous administration in general, and specifically that of his own predecessor, Janet Reno, some 3,000 pages of documentation never made it from the databases of various FBI branch offices.
Meanwhile, the FBI has claimed sole responsibility for the blunder, and has stated additionally that the information in the documents was not used to prosecute McVeigh, who has openly admitted at every possible opportunity that he bombed Oklahoma Citys Murrah Federal Building on April 19, 1995, killing 168 men, women and children.
[P]resident George W. Bush added insult to injury, stating in a press conference today that this was yet another reason why Congress should pass his tax-cut plan.
This is yet another slap in the face of the American people, whose cheeks must be very sore indeed after the last six months, and could also culminate in further homegrown terrorist attacks. It's also a tacit acknowledgement that McVeigh is the creation of themselves and their minions, such as Hate Radio babbler Rush Limbaugh. This debacle will enable survivalists, cult leaders, and all their Reich-Wing Whackadoo followers to spin themselves more proof that McVeigh is a victim, and a true American hero, along with renowned child-molesting cult leader David Koresh, and follow their leads. That's what they say, folks, although I sure the hell can't figure out what's heroic about blowing up a bunch of little kids and later referring to them as "collateral damage." Strange role models these Whackadoos pick. If the Reich Wing Spinmeisters begin referring to the bombing as a "youthful indiscretion," you'll know we're completely, totally screwed. |  | |
