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TELL YA THE TRUTH, I'M KINDA SURPRISED HE HAS ONE
March 5 -- So, Dick Cheney's back in the hospital for an angioplasty, less than four months after his
F-O-U-R-T-H heart attack. Doctors say that the 90%-blocked
artery that caused the November attack had become blocked again. They also say that he is in excellent health.
I have to ask it. In order to completely block a freshly-scraped artery in just over three months, what the righteous blue f**k has the dude been consuming? What does he do, soak his Marlboros in bacon grease? Fry his morning eggs in bourbon? Christ on a bun!
I seem to remember the Li'l Buckaroo telling us that Sickly Dick was in great shape after his fourth heart attack.
Good God. I just read that last sentence.
What will we see next? I expect we'll see a lot of photos of Sickly Dick standing next to House Speaker Dennis "Denny's" Hastert, in an effort to make him look healthy.
What do you think could be causing our Prez-by-proxy so much stress?
RESTORING A 4-DIGIT DOW TO AMERICA
MARCH 22 -- Funny how some people will try to deflect blame no matter what the subject is. That's right, kids, I'm talkin' 'bout Wall Street. The Dow has lost THIRTEEN PERCENT of its value in the last twelve days. Whose fault is this? Well, if you listen to the 'Pubs, it's Clinton's fault. As to whether they mean Bill or Hillary, they will no longer specify. If you ask how, they call you ignorant and go into the litany of Clinton pseudo-scandals that were staged by the right wing. Gee, I'm sure our economic problems have nothing to do with having a veep whose heart goes into vapor-lock every time he glances sideways at a Big Mac, coupled with an un-elected burnout buffoon who seems bent on talking us into a recession, not to mention destroying our relations with every nation on earth. But their brainwashed locksteppers will go on telling you it's Clinton's fault, and to leave the country with all your pinko friends if you don't agree.
By the way, if you call another poster a f**king lame-a** bozo dips**t on the AOL Message Boards, you'll get a TOS warning. So don't do it. Even if the f**king lame-a** bozo dips**t in question really, really deserves it.
"I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?"
MARCH 28 -- Watching FauxNews today -- I know it's a bad habit, but I think it's good to know what the Others are up to -- I've noticed three big things:
1. Now that the instant tax-rebate idea is starting to gain momentum, it has suddenly become a Republican idea that the Democrats stole and for which they are trying to take credit. Last week, the Right was saying that "scam" stank worse than Strom's chair. Now it's, "We had that idea first!" The Right keeps whining about how the left won't stop whining, have you noticed?
2. I'm getting REALLY SICK of these Rightists trying to make white conservative males out to be oppressed and victimized. Anything that doesn't put rich white straight Christian males first is seen as racist, sexist, deist, classist, ad nauseam. NEWSFLASH! Rich white straight Christian males have, over the years, largely been the problem rather than the solution! How? By ASSuming that their views belong to everyone! Everyone should have equal representation and protection under the law, so quit your bitching, you corporate ass-lickers.
3. Where the hell is Sickly Dick? Shouldn't he be in front of the cameras at every opportunity, doing that ridiculous Rocky Balboa riff to show how healthy he is, and especially standing next to Dennis "Denny's" Hastert? Perhaps it'll be like in the old days of the Soviet Union, where, after three months, the Bush Administration will say that Sickly Dick "has a cold." BARSTOOL WARRIORS
APRIL 3 -- Picture, if you will, this scenario.
You go to a bar one evening. You're having a pretty good time, meeting people, making friends, all that good stuff. And then it all goes to hell.
Why?
Because some drunk comes up to you and starts picking a fight.
Those of you who go to bars know what I'm talking about. That one guy who will not be satisfied until both of you are outside, mixing it up. It starts with a bump, or maybe a snarled, "What're YOU lookin' at?" Anything you say just seems to make the situation worse with this clown.
Finally, just as you're beginning to seriously consider taking the drunk outside and pounding him into the sidewalk, a fellow sits down next to you and buys you a beer. He introduces himself as the drunk's buddy, and he apologizes for the drunk's misbehavior.
He asks you not to give the drunk the ass-kicking he so richly deserves, citing the fact that he's really a nice guy when he's sober, and that he wouldn't be acting like he is except for (insert stressful life situation here).
Why am I going on like this? Two reasons.
First of all, as a result of the ongoing situation with the spy plane in China, a lot of people are going into hysterical paroxysms of trigger-happiness, making such constructive statements as, "We need to nuke those slanty-eyed yellow commie rice-f**kers right now, and ask questions later! It's us or them! Bomb those slopes back into the Stone Age!" They also find some way to blame it on Bill Clinton. And anyone who believes that even a drop of diplomacy might be in order is told to move over there so he/she can be nuked as well, the damn pinko.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my country, and I salute our armed forces for the job they do. However, I resent the HELL out of politicians who want to use our soldiers for their own political gain in order to hide their own shortcomings. Also, I find the people who make the aforementioned statements to be more dangerous than any foreign enemy.
Do they honestly think the nukes won't kill the soldiers as well? C'mon! Unless you plan on enlisting and going over there to fight, you're doing more damage than good, so shut your damn cake-holes.
Secondly, earlier today, Secretary of State Colin Powell effectively bought China a beer, saying that the Li'l Buckaroo should not have taken such a hawkish stance from the beginning, and that he hoped to maintain good relations with China (and we all know what the Li'l Buckaroo's stressful life situation is, don't we!). Powell is a moderate, and I imagine he must be feeling some chagrin over the far-right stance his nominal boss has been taking. "Compassionate Conservatism," indeed. I imagine he's also getting sick of being ordered to retract previous statements because they sound "too liberal." Experience has taught me that obnoxious drunks go through apologist buddies pretty quickly. I predict Powell will be making some sort of announcement along those lines before the end of the year.
I'm not saying China is an innocent waif. I'm not saying we should not get our people and equipment back, and that right quickly. But a situation such as this calls for a nice, agile fencing sword, and someone with the brains and talent to use it, not a club. And anyone who wants a war, nuclear or otherwise, is flat-out nuts. Period. More to come..... |  | |
